I’m totally content being single and I actually don’t care if I ever “fall in love” or anything. Like… That’s just not me. But sometimes I just have moments (like this one) that I wish I had a boyfriend (or something) so I would have someone to talk to and back me up so I don’t feel so fucking lonely. And that just makes me feel like “that girl” that just bitches about wanting a boyfriend, so then I feel like an ass. I just want someone that I can bitch to or cry to.

Or, you know, I wish my mom didn’t die when I was 16. It’s tough not having someone who is automatically on your side, even when you’re in the wrong. She passed away five years ago and I’ve been realizing, more and more with every day, that I’m so similar to her. And that’s probably when we butted heads to much when I was in middle school and high school. No one in the world would understand how I think or feel about any given situation, but she would because I know we react the same way to things. She (and I’m the same way) was so expressive with how much she loved people, and I don’t really get that anymore, but I try to do it for others. I just get this horrible lonely feeling all the time because I don’t have her here and I basically have no one who really understands how I work and what makes me tick.

So I guess I’ll just go back to watching this weeks How I Met Your Mother, continue to completely identify with Robin, and listen to Ted say, “But there’s one thing that your Aunt Robin never was: She was never alone,” and sob some more. Yep.